Still... I wait

He wasn't at rowing yesterday.
I wasn't able to tell him...
i will though, just cos he wasn't there doesn't mean i wont tell him.
He might come on Thursday, he doesn't usually but if he does ill tell him, or Saturday. It's gonna be hard. he never leaves his brothers side so it'll be hard to tell him in private. I can try and tell him if i help put his boat away or something (its hard to put away his boat! you have too do the limbo between five different boats whilst carrying a crappy wooden boat that has a plastic sheet on it!!!) I still have no idea on how I'm gonna tell him. all my friends say different things when i ask them. it's hard to pick. i also keep thinking about all the different ways he could reject me... the only thing i would hate is if i tell him then he doesn't do Anything at all afterwards. I've had that once already, not again. i told my friend Penny last night that this isn't a crush anymore, i love him and all i have to do is tell him, yet its probably the scariest thing I'm ever gonna have to do.
It's the waiting.... i can't stand it. the longer i think about it the more i don't want to tell him.

So that proves it.... all you people out there picking on me.
Now you know.
I'm not bi, i probably never will be. I've decided who i am. No for gods sake stop picking on Mary. It takes a long time to decide. it took me 4 months to decide on whether or not i should tell him, so it'll probably take a long time for Mary to choose. I'm not bi, so what if i was. its natural for people to think this way.
Just get over it

Yesterday was funny though! James Russell, who i havent seen in aaaagggges, showed up. he thought it be funny to cover me in dirty, soapy water!. sponge on my back, soap everywhere! i grabbed his hat and ran off. he put me in an arm lock, grabbed the hat and covered my arm in soap! i grabbed a sponge to get him back and.... he got the hose!
it was bloody freezing that morning and he covered me in water!
My rowing coach told me to go have a warm shower to warm up... the girls changing room light wouldn't turn on! and i had no towel. so i didnt have a shower, instead i just dried myself with a t-shirt!!! thank god i had spare clothes though! I'm gonna kill him!
James Russell... you do that again.... beware!
(James Ballard if your laughing reading this then your gonna get a slap!)

Wish me luck for Thursday (if he sows up...)

Amy

xxx